I Will Come To You : Adoption Blog

Proof that there are bookcases in our attic. And many, many boxes of books which I couldn't photograph without also capturing lots of other junk you don't care to see.

When I was a kid, reading was my favorite thing to do.  I read just about every book in the school library and got in trouble many-a night for reading way after lights out.  I adore good books!  My heart skips a beat when I see signs go up for the biannual “Friends of the Library” used book sale. When I go to yard sales or thrift shops, I make a beeline to the book sections.  Consequently I have shelves upon shelves in my house filled with books (even a couple bookcases in the attic!).  The strange thing is, for such a lover of books, I’ve read surprisingly little as an adult.  I’ve often been puzzled by my own lack of reading and I’ve come up with a few reasons for this.  First of all, I find it very tempting to shirk my responsibilities when I become absorbed in a book.  Also, I’m not a fast reader, so it takes me a lot of time to really accomplish any reading. I’m also often tired by the time I pick up a book late in the evening and I DO NOT enjoy the head-bob, losing-my-place-constantly method of reading that results from this situation. Additionally, since quality time is my primary love language, I’ve never liked to spend my evenings with my nose in a book because then I don’t feel like I’m spending any time with my Sweetheart.  Lastly, I’m embarrassed to admit it, but I’ve gotten way too used to crashing on the couch and mindlessly vegging out in front of the ol’ boob tube after the kids are in bed and I’m finally done with my “chores”.  There.  I’ve made my excuses.  The end.

I’m not big on making a lot of new year’s resolutions because, well, let’s face it, no one likes to be a failure.  But I did turn over a new leaf this year and resolved to turn the TV off and read much more.  My husband, always supportive,  is trying to make it a little easier by canceling our cable.  Ugh.  I made my 2012 book list after much careful consideration and I’m pretty pumped about it.  And I fully anticipate being able to add a few extras in as the year goes on so I’m making an unofficial back-up list too.  I’m also reading the Bible through cover to cover again, only this time I’m going to take a year to do it rather than 90 days.  (You can read about my adventures with that here, here, and here.)  And now that I’ve stated that publicly, I am under great pressure to finish in order to avoid public shame. Stay tuned for the book list, if you care.  It will appear in a future post.

Waiting for His Coming,

Erin

Four days before Christmas we got an email from our family coordinator at our agency, AWAA, letting us know we are now on deck! Honestly, this doesn’t change much for us since we’re in the yahoo group for our agency’s Ethiopia families and already knew (from tracking the “unofficial” list kept by all of us adopting families) that we are near the top of the baby boy list. Number 2, actually. But the on deck email simply tells us that our agency expects a referral for our family sometime in the near future.  The timing is very vague since our agency has no way of knowing when a child’s paperwork will be ready for referral.  We sure hope and pray that our wait won’t be too much longer.

We are now in the stage I’ve been dreading.  The stage where our phone could ring any day.  I was telling David last night how torturous this stage is.  Every morning I wake up with a heart full of hope that perhaps “today will be the day” we finally see our child’s face.  And every evening ends with a heavy heart of discouragement.  Each and every day we pray that we will receive The Call.  And each and every day I have to remember that God’s timing is perfect, even though it hurts.  Please pray for us, friends.  Pray for grace and strength for our tired souls.  And please pray that our child will soon be released from the bondage of paperwork that is keeping us from knowing him.  We are so ready for this stage to be over.

Waiting for His Coming,

Erin

I remember it like it was yesterday.  I was standing at my cubby in my first grade classroom, hanging up my denim jacket with the yellow lining, chatting excitedly with my best friend about my Christmas wishlist when she dropped a bomb on my world and announced that there was no Santa.  I still remember the awkwardness of my mother when I jumped into our burgundy minivan at the end of the day and confronted her with the question.  Was it true?  My poor parents. I was their firstborn and as my mom has told me since, they were already wrestling with their conscience over the “Santa lie”. My heartbreak was enough for them and the Santa Claus game was over for our family.

I have no desire to upset anyone with this post.  It is true that for some reason people get very defensive on this topic. Some of my very best friends do the Santa thing and I’ve got not issue with them. But I do want to share some of our personal convictions on the issue and explain why my children will give you a very blank stare if you ask them what they’ve asked Santa to bring them.

From the first Christmas with our oldest daughter, the name Santa was tossed around in fun, but we had decided not to join the hosts of parent’s who desperately work to protect the secret that (shhhh!) Santa isn’t real and do all sorts of silly things to try to convince their children that he exists.  We just didn’t feel right about it.  (Notice I said WE.  I’m not trying to be anyone else’s conscience.)  Then I read a wonderful book by Noel Piper, wife to John Piper, titled Treasuring God in Our Traditions, and the feelings became firm conviction.  She brings to light the confusion it must bring to young minds as we try to teach our children the truth about God and His unique attributes, and then give those attributes to Santa as well!  Think about it.  Santa sees everything you do, rewards you for being good, is omnipotent, gives good gifts, etc. If our goal is to help our children understand as much about God as possible at whatever age they are, we are doing them a great disservice to confuse them by celebrating Santa and the manger.  There’s lots more good stuff in her book, but I’ll stop there.

I love the passage in Matthew 19 when the disciples attempted to keep the “pesky”  little children from bothering Jesus, and Jesus rebuked them and said, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven.”  I’ve always pictured the Savior gathering these precious children onto his lap. I want nothing more as a mother than to be ushering my children constantly to the “lap” of Jesus. When we teach our children about Jesus, we are taking them to His lap. When we pray with our children about the things that they need or desire, we are taking them to His lap. As I thought about this the other day, I realized the sad comparison. I don’t want to undo all of these efforts at Christmas by suddenly shifting focus and taking them to the lap of Santa to pour out their list of “needs” and desires.  And I certainly don’t want Santa to receive credit for the blessings that we receive that are actually gifts from God.  I just can’t tear my children off of the lap of Jesus to sit a while on Santa’s knee. My conscience won’t allow it.

There is no avoiding the topic of Santa during this season,  but my children view him as nothing more than a pretend character like Rudolph or The Grinch.  And while we enjoy those things as a family to a small extent this time of year, my goal is that when my children think of Christmas, all that comes to their minds is a pure celebration of the birth of our Savior.  It’s the least we can do.

We had so much fun making a nativity scene out of candy this year!

Erin

I just wonder what the wise men of old would’ve thought of us when they brought their sacrificial gifts to the little Lord Jesus and knelt before him?  What would Mary have said of the way we celebrate the birth of her Son, the Savior of the World, with crazed shopping and wrapping of piles of packages.  Would Joseph have been offended – he who suffered scorn for following God and marrying a pregnant girl to play his part in the working out of God’s perfect plan of salvation- by the way we give Santa a position of prominence?  Even more, is Christ offended?   What if we, His church, start to reclaim Christmas.  Maybe, just maybe, the world will see the Truth.  There will be a few less “holiday trees” and a few more nativity scenes.  Let’s bow before Him as the wise men, and present to Him the gifts He desires; our sacrificial service and humble adoration.

There are a couple of great blog posts that I’ve read over the last few days that I want to re-blog here.   They are so well worth reading.  It won’t be a super quick read.  It may make you squirm.  It may even convict you to the core.  Or perhaps you’ll read it, evaluate your Christmas traditions, and decide no change is needed.  Regardless, this is good food for thought.

The first is on the blog of Ann Voskamp, author of One Thousand Gifts.  I’m challenged every time I read her writing.   Please read this!  Please, please, please!

The second is written by Jen Hatmaker, also an author and speaker, who just recently added to her family and brought two children home from Ethiopia through our agency, AWAA.  Her sense of humor and down-to-earth nature make her lengthy blog posts an easy read.  Well, sort-of easy.  If it’s ever easy to have your toes stepped on.  Read The Christmas Conundrum and you’ll know what I mean.  I’m still working on digesting this post.

My prayer as I write this is that we will resolve to honor the Lord this and every Christmas, even if it means going against the flow.  He is worthy.

Waiting for His Coming,
Erin

It is high time for me to get back on the blogging wagon! I’ve poured myself a nice big cup of coffee and settled down to write since I’m home today with two sick little girls. There are several reasons why it’s been so long since I’ve posted anything. For one thing, nothing was happening in our adoption. We’ve been waiting, waiting, and waiting. Rather boring for those of you interested in updates. In my discouragement and efforts to sort-of put it all out of my mind, I needed to take a break. There were also some things going on in my family life that demanded my focus and put many non-essentials on the back burner for a while. And then the overall hectic nature of life is always a valid excuse. But that’s all ending today and I’m going to jump back in with both feet. Wahooo!!

On October 1 we passed right by one full year of being DTE.  And I really mean that it passed right by.  I didn’t even realize until a few days later that we’d passed the one year mark.  Months ago we stopped dwelling on how many months we’d been waiting.  To summarize, when we submitted our dossier on October 1, 2010, we expected a 4-6 month wait for our referral.  Then all of the big changes began happening in the country and slowing things down significantly.  Wait times began creeping up and are now at 10 – 18 months.  I’m truly not bitter about the process or the wait and we’ve learned more than ever to trust God’s sovereignty.  We have no doubts that He is in perfect control and that He has planned the exact day we will be united with our child and that one day sooner is too soon and one day later is too late.  That’s not to say, however, that there aren’t days when I become overwhelmed by the weight and heaviness of longing for our child.  Sometimes I just have to hide in the bathroom and have a good cry.  And sometimes I randomly break into sobs while passing the baby section in Target.  Sigh.

Currently on the “unofficial” list for our agency we are number 3 in line for a boy and number 10 for a girl.  So, we’re seeing visions of blue in our future.  We’re dreaming of a referral before Christmas, but are fully prepared for that not to happen.  Our sweet baby is always in our thoughts and prayers.  The tender hearts of our children for their little brother (or sister) has been a tremendous blessing to us.  When we pray before each meal with them, and in our bedtime prayers together, they always pray for our baby.  Every. single. time.  And if David or I are praying and happen to forget, they remind us immediately and we bow our heads again.  When you are three or five, it seems it would’ve gotten old – praying for the same thing for over a year when it remains only an abstract idea, but they are so faithful.  I look forward to the day when their faith will be sight and their brother is finally home.  That will be a beautiful day indeed.

Waiting for His Coming,

Erin

I’ve seen this video several times and every time it renews my passionate resolve to advocate for the orphan. If every Christian were gripped with this truth – that we are the hands and feet of Christ and that we have a responsibility to the weak, the hungry, the orphaned children of God upon this earth. . . I daresay there would be fewer starving little bellies, fewer babies dying of preventable diseases, fewer children growing up alone and abandoned. If the CHURCH (translated: YOU and ME) owned this message as our OWN rather than waiting for someone else to act, what would that look like? Maybe we’d see more of God’s people adopting, visiting orphans, supporting ministries that feed and care for these little ones, spending time on our knees asking God what more HE wants us to do. Indifference is SIN.

Watch this video.

Take it personally.

Act.

I’m challenged the words to Josh Wilson’s song, I Refuse.  Here are a few of them.

I can hear the least of these
Crying out so desperately
And I know we are the hands and feet
Of You, oh God.

‘Cause I don’t want to live like I don’t care
I don’t want to say another empty prayer
Oh, I refuse
To sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me to do myself
Oh, I could choose
Not to move but I refuse.

Waiting for His Coming,
Erin

I have finished  the Bible in 90 Days Challenge!  I even had 3 days to spare.  If you’re scratching your head wondering what I’m talking about, you can read my previous blog posts on the challenge here and here.  As I reflect on the process, the first thing I think is that I am so incredibly grateful to God for giving us His infallible, all-sufficient Word.  Reading it as I did increased my awareness of just how powerful Scripture is to change hearts and lives and to give us all that we need to walk in His way while we dwell on earth.  It was a growing experience spiritually as my heart and mind were filled with Truth.  There were days where I felt I would burst from reading SO much RICH Scripture in such a short time.  Like the day I read Romans 1-14, and the day I read Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, and Colossians.  Whoa.  And it was a stretching experience, too.  When I started I really did wonder if this was going to be do-able for me.  I’m a slow reader with some serious time limitations as the mother of two very busy young children.  There were many days when it was HARD to make myself overlook other things I wanted or needed to do and force myself to uphold my commitment to this challenge.

As with any accomplishment, there are certainly some people who deserve a thank you.  My mentor for this challenge, Amy, was a great motivator and encouragement as she regularly checked in with me.  I first learned of the challenge on her blog.  My sweet husband encouraged me from Day 1, and often reminded me that it was fine for this to take priority for these 90 days and not to worry about the things around the house that were falling behind.  (And just so you know, my house is not in total shambles, but there are a few little projects that have piled up.)  My children have also been very patient as there were days when they woke up from their naps before I was finished and were asked to wait patiently for this and that while Mommy finished her Bible reading time.  Although I often tried to get it done when they were sleeping, I do feel strongly that it is really important that they SEE me in the Word. Nothing would make me happier than to fill their minds with memories of their mother with her Bible on her lap.  That’s the kind of legacy I want to leave – a love for God’s Word!

Yesterday when I told David I had finished, he offered to take me out to dinner, but since I already had dinner in the crock pot, we’re going to go out tonight to celebrate!  But I did take a little time for myself last night and did a little shopping without kids.  I even splurged on a Starbucks (tall vanilla latte – Yum!).  And I had a pile of book in my Amazon cart that have been there since February which I finally ordered now that I’m going to have some time for extra reading.  I’ll have to do a post sometime with some book reviews once I get them all read.

If you are interested in doing this challenge, another round will begin on Mom’s Toolbox in July.  Of course you can do it anytime, but doing it through this site provided wonderful accountability.  And let me know if you do it because I’d love to encourage you in the journey!

Hebrews 4:12 For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.

As I came to the end of Revelation, my wonderful photographer Kate captured the moment.

Waiting for His Coming,

Erin

We still don’t know a lot about how things are going to play out in Ethiopia, but the things that we do know at this point have been encouraging and positive.  First of all, our agency gave this bit of info a couple of weeks ago (I know.  I need to update more frequently.):

America World has received confirmation of significant personnel changes within MOWA.  These changes have resulted in overall staff turnover and changes within the adoption unit.  The unit is now called the Ministry of Women, Children and Youth Affairs (MOWCYA).  We are hopeful that the new leadership will not only support processing an adequate number of favorable recommendation letters, but also continue to implement policies that will best serve the children of Ethiopia.  Due to the staffing changes we anticipate much transition over the next few weeks until the staff are settled into their new positions. We have continued to receive optimistic feedback and have seen how the Ethiopian government is very committed to adoption.

We also know that MOWCYA has been writing lots of letters and many families have been passing court very quickly.  In fact, we heard that they are completely caught up on backlogged cases and that now it’s the judge who is behind because she’s buried in letters.  This is great news!  Brian Luwis, founder and CEO of our agency is currently in Ethiopia visiting the transition home and staff and evaluating the current situation.  We’ll be anxious to hear an update from him as well.

Please continue to pray!!!  There are still families waiting to pass court or waiting for court dates, and the referrals have still been very, very slow.  Pray with us that MOWCYA and the courts work together in a timely manner to provide loving families for needy orphans.

On an unrelated note, I wanted to simply provide a link to a blog post I read earlier today that is thought-provoking, convicting, and very well said.  Read it here, if you dare.  Take a minute to explore their blog, too, and learn about their amazing family and their plans to head to Guatemala as missionaries.

Waiting for His Coming,

Erin

It’s really ironic that my last post was about our discouragement with our extended wait for a referral.  At that time, I was down because our wait was increased by a matter of a few months.  Little did I know that what was waiting for us days later was news that our wait could potentially be increased by many, many months or even years.  After a few days of hearing rumors, our agency confirmed that MOWA, who must write a letter of recommendation for every family in order to pass court, announced plans to drastically cut the number of letters it writes each day, leading to a potential 90% reduction in the number of adoptions.  It was a blow to the gut, to be sure.  The news was further confirmed last night on the U.S Department of State’s website. If you want to know more, you can also check out  this article. There is also a petition here (totally legitimate) that we’d ask you to consider signing.  And of course, we’d ask you to join us in praying!

We’ve been spending significant time in God’s Word (more than I already was with my Bible in 90 Days schedule!) and have found so much comfort and hope.  We’re living in a continual state of prayer.  Tom Davis, president of Children’s HopeChest, blogged here an excellent example of how to focus our prayers.  But we’re also simply casting our fearful, heavy hearts at Jesus’ feet and are finding ourselves knowing His enveloping presence of peace, trust, and rest.  I cannot begin to list all of the songs and Scriptures that we’ve been embracing, because this post would go on for days, but I’ll list just a couple.

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11

“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. . . .Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:7-9, 16-18

“A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy habitations. God sets the lonely in families. . . . ” Psalm 68:5-6a

The Casting Crowns song “At Your Feet” played repeatedly last night as I feel asleep.  My soul has claimed that posture through this.  I’m at His feet – there is nowhere else to be!  “Here at Your feet I lay my future down, All of my dreams I give to You now and I find peace, I find peace. Jesus, Jesus at your feet, oh to dwell and never leave. Jesus, Jesus, at your feet, there is nowhere else for me. You’re all I need.”

We don’t know how long it will be until we hold our precious child.  While we pray with faith that God might move MOWA to quickly revoke their decision, the future is very uncertain.  But here’s what we know for sure:

• God has called us to adoption, specifically from Ethiopia.  We are exactly where He wants us to be and we have absolute peace in that.

• God is sovereign over all things.  It did not take Him by surprise when MOWA made this announcement.  It is not “unlucky” that we are where we are in the process as this unfolds.  It was God’s plan for us all along.  He knows the beginning and the end.

• God is able to change hearts.  Proverbs 21:1 says, “The king’s heart is in the hand of the Lord, Like the rivers of water; He turns it wherever He wishes.”  This certainly applies to MOWA.

• God cares passionately about the orphans in Ethiopia. His Word makes it clear there is no greater advocate for the orphan than God Himself. He will not forsake them.

And so we wait expectantly on Him.

Erin

Today marks five months since our dossier was sent to Ethiopia.  I was so thrilled when all the paperwork was complete and we mailed it all off!  I immediately began enjoying the ease of this stage.  No documents to gather, no one to harass about signing or mailing papers, no visits with a social worker, no endless trips to make copies, no rushing to the mailbox each day in hopes that “that document” had arrived.  Nothing to do but pray and save our pennies.  As the months rolled by, I was doing great!  I was determined not to wish the time away, knowing full well that time flies without any wishing for it to do so and I have two precious children already in my arms who deserve my full focus during these last months as a family of four.  Then I hit a rough patch- a speed bump of discouragement.  It has been accompanied by frequent  dreams about our baby.  Every time, I awake with raw emotions that linger through the day.  The longing to know our child, to see him (or her), and hold him has become magnified and at moments feels suffocating.

Initially we thought our wait time would be in the 4-6 month range, but we’re on month five and it is not even close to our turn to receive a referral.  Our agency has increased the estimated wait time and there are many families still ahead of us.  I think it would be easier if we could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but right now I’m feeling like I’m in the middle of the tunnel in total darkness.  Satan is finding and exploiting my weaknesses and I’m battling discouragement.  BUT I’m daily encouraged by the Word of God, which is filled with messages of hope for those who wait on Him.   I am also reminded that adoption is not easy.  And the difficulties and challenges for us as we long to bring our baby home pale in comparison to the heartaches our baby will face, and the trials and tragedies of the family into which he (or she) is born which will sadly make him an orphan before he can be our child.  No, my friend, adoption is not an easy road.  It is a road that is marked with suffering and sadness.  Ultimately there will be joy, and beauty from the ashes; but first the ashes, for God’s glory.

“The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon Me…
To comfort all who mourn, To console those who mourn in Zion,
To give them beauty for ashes, The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
That they may be called trees of righteousness,
The planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified.” Isaiah 61:1a, 2c, 3

Waiting for His Coming,

Erin